My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
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Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
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Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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