You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
