I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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