So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
