apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
