I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
