dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
