you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
