So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
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Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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