I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
