I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
