Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
