Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
