Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
