I just saw a hot homeless man
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
