there's paper in my vomit.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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