The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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