Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize