Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
