I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
