I'm going to jail i love you
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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