I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
