Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
