I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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