And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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