I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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