I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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