Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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