Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Shame - the story of my life.
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