You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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