I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
