he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
