He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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