it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
