ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
