At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
