i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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