She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish I only lived at night.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
