Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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