How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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