There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
