I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
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Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
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Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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