This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
