We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
