I faked an abortion last night.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Someone shit on the floor
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
