I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
