just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
