there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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