I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
