yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
