new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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