apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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