shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You pole danced in your parka.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
