i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
