I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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