I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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