I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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