Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
