I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
