I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
