Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
