New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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