So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What drink are we having for lunch?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
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He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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