She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
