ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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