At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
