Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
