Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
