drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
