There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize