I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize