We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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