mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
