I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
