please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
