In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
