I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
