So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
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French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
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If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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