Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
